things i can and cannot control

7/29/22

good morning cherubs!

today we are going to be discussing the things we can and cannot control in this crazy thing called life.

at times, it can feel like we have no control over any aspect of life. we all have to have jobs to pay our bills. we all have to feed our bodies and get enough sleep in order to keep on living.

some of us have it harder than others and some of us have hardly had any struggle in life. but the things that happen to us aren't always our fault.

we can look back and say "i knew better," but did you? at that time, you most likely did whatever you thought was the best option. you chose whatever route you thought would lead you to success. is it your fault that it didn't work out like you planned it would? of course not. the only thing we can do is, going forward, learn from our mistakes and make more knowledgeable decisions in the future.

learning and understand what we do and don't have control over is the first step in making better life decisions.

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as humans, we have control over many things, but at the same time, we have no control over even more things.

as an overthinker myself, there are many times where my brain feeds me thoughts that are far from the truth. you begin to think about an event/action/words and turn them over so many times that your brain twists and creates something false.

just because you have these thoughts doesn't mean they are true. believe me, i have had to work through and still am working through over thinking and trying to get myself to believe that it's all inside my head.

if i am being honest, it's exhausting to be an overthinker. you are constantly thinking of made up situations and what-ifs and often times, i need reassurance from others to help me understand that these are just thoughts. just because these things are going through my head (almost constantly) doesn't not mean that they will one day become real.

overthinking is part of being a highly sensitive person (HSP). (i am still working on this blog and will hopefully have it up soon). but as a HSP, we are hyperaware of what is going on around us and extra sensitive to the things that happen to us. this is not a bad thing. your brain might tell you that it is bad, but as my therapist is teaching me, it is healthy.

it is better to be more aware and sensitive to your environment rather than being oblivious. but unfortunately, our society has taught us that we are fragile and weak. this is so far from the truth. but when it is portrayed for years and years as a weak and fragile thing to be, you begin to believe it.

unlearning to overthink isn't something that happens overnight. i have been dealing with it for years now and am no where near being over it. it is honestly something that i will most likely have to deal with and handle for the rest of my life. but being able to acknowledge the fact that your brain is different and special is the first step.

one of the easiest ways to help overthinking is to understand what we have control over and what we don't have control over. i found this helpful little image to explain:

things you can control:

• your response to other's behavior

you can choose to be the "bigger person" and walk away from a situation/person. removing yourself is showing that you can protect yourself from the things that harm your mental health.

• your boundaries you set with others

this can differ from situation and person. but the key is that you can create whatever boundary you think is necessary. you don't have to explain it to others. you can do whatever is best for you without explanation. this is when you know that you've truly healed.

• how you let other people affect you

when someone says something to you, you get to decide how it is portrayed. whether or not the other person had intentions of saying something a certain way, the way you interpret it is all up to you. this can go so many ways, but at the end of the day, you must choose how it is processed.

• when and if you forgive others

this is a tricky one. if someone has wronged you, they are not entitled to forgiveness. no matter how much they apologize or ask for you to give them a second chance. you must decide if they are being truthful or if this is a relationship that you think can be mended.

• where you give your time, energy, and attention

under most circumstances, no one is forcing you to do anything. of course, there are rules and laws and morals to follow, but majority of the time we have our own free will. this means that we get to decide where our time, energy, and attention goes. if you don't believe in something, you get to choose not to partake in it. but that doesn't mean that others can't do it. you have the choice to do what you think is worth your time, energy, and attention.

• how you treat and speak to others

no one is born a butthole ( i could use worse language). but what i mean is that no one is naturally mean. being mean, harsh, rude, etc. are all learned behaviors. every time that you speak you have two options: being nice or being mean. you get to choose! no one is forcing you to be mean to others. i will agree that if you are raised in an aggressive/abusive/unwelcoming family, attitudes can be passed along. but it is up to you to turn that generational personality around and be nice instead!

as for things you cannot control, it is basically a catchall of anything else. but what we must focus on is the things that we have the ability to control. if we can keep those things in check, then the uncontrollable will be more manageable.

learning to let go of the things you can't control is a form of healing too. if you are constantly fearing what you cannot control, it will eat you alive. you must learn healthy coping mechanisms to help your brain understand "come what may." and when it comes, we will figure it out.

i hope y'all enjoyed this one!!!

xx Loryn