practicing self-validation
- lxrynwxtring
- Jan 13, 2023
- 5 min read
1/13/23
hello cherubs!
during this time of year I feel like we always put a lot of pressure on ourselves to fit a certain standard or box, and when we don't fit exactly the way we are supposed to, we often feel disappointed in ourselves.
this week's blog is about how we can validate ourselves through any circumstance, no matter what and to understand that whatever life throws at us, we can make it through.
first off, let's talk about what validation is.
validation is "recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile."
there are three main forms of validation: emotional, behavioral, and cognitive.
emotional validation is through tuning in, acknowledging, and acceptance of feelings.
behavioral validation is through communication of behaviors through understanding and non-judgmental stand-points.
cognitive validation is through recognition and identification of assumptions, behaviors, and beliefs and how to create validity of these.
so what is self-validation? how is it different from regular validation?
self-validation is "the act of accepting our own internal experience, including our thoughts and feelings."
self-validation can include:
encouraging yourself
acknowledging your strengths, successes, progress, and effort
noticing and accepting your feelings
prioritizing your needs
treating yourself with kindness
saying nice things to yourself
accepting your limitations, flaws, and mistakes
self-validation isn't something that is easy to learn. it will take time to understand and implement over a period of time. but here are some ways to start:
notice what you need and how you feel
accept these feelings and needs without judgement
don't over-identify with your feelings. use subtle meanings and understand the difference between "I feel angry" vs "I am angry"
remember, practice is an important part of self-validation
so, you know what validating looks like, but what does it sound like?
"it makes sense that I feel angry"
often times, people will try and convince you that you have no reason to be angry. it is not up to other people to determine the emotions that you are feeling. you and only you are able to determine what or how you are feeling. give yourself time to process and understand that you may actually have reasoning to be angry (whether or not others think you should be)
"I am having a normal reaction to what is happening around me"
in today's society, we are expected to have no reaction to anything. if we are upset, we are supposed to suppress it. if we are happy, we can't be too excited. if we are sad, we aren't allowed to cry. it is NORMAL to have emotions...any gender is allowed to cry, be angry, be overly excited and they shouldn't have to contain themselves to make others happy.
"my feelings and emotions matter"
we often don't let ourselves truly experience our emotions long enough to truly understand what it is we are feeling. learning to sit with your emotions and process them is the best thing to help your mental health. whatever feeling it is, sit with it, let it pass, and then you can better overcome it.
"I am doing my best"
your best will not necessarily look like the next person's. your best might be waking up & showering for the first time all week. or your best might be finally gaining to confidence to take your driver's test at the age of 27. but your best can also be graduating with highest honors or getting the highest promotion in your company. your best doesn't have to be compared to others, it is only valued by you and for you. you get to determine what your capable of.
"my feelings are valid"
like before, whatever you are feeling is up to YOU to decide, no one else. if you decide that you are excited, that is valid. if you decide you are happy, that's valid. if you are sad, you are valid. if you are feeling an emotion, you and only you are the decision maker. don't let the judgement of others cloud how you're truly feeling.
"I am proud of how far I have come"
you have survived every single day thus far, you will continue to survive. it may not feel like it, but you will be okay. look back on where you came from and how far you are from that point in your life. be proud of who you are and what you're becoming. if you aren't proud, decide what it is that you can do to better yourself, starting now.
"I accept myself"
self-acceptance is something that a lot of people struggle with. acceptance of others is something that even more people struggle with. if you can learn and master self-acceptance, you will quickly learn that you don't need the acceptance of others. if you have acceptance from within, your acceptance from other vices will become less and less important.
"it's okay to feel sad"
you are not overreacting, you are feeling an emotion. it doesn't matter if someone else thinks "you have no reason to be sad" or "other people have it worse." that doesn't mean you aren't struggling too! your emotion are yours and no one else's. also, sadness isn't something you get over quickly. sadness can last hours, days, or even weeks. it is important to understand when your sadness becomes a depressive episode that you can't work out of. once you reach this point, it's important to reach out for help.
"everyone makes mistakes"
there is not one single person in this world that has never once made mistakes. yes, plural, more than one! we all fall short and slip up. but that's because we are human. it's when "mistakes" become regular that they are no longer mistakes. mistakes mean that you are trying and if you're trying, you're already ahead of most!
"I am making progress"
progress is NOT perfection. progress is and only means, you are better than you were before. learning from mistakes is progress. giving more effort than before is progress. there is no way to track progress or measure it. if you better off than you were yesterday, that is progress, no matter what.
"I trust my decisions and myself"
you are the only one that truly knows what you are going through. there is no one else that truly understands the thoughts in your head. you are the one that is able to control what you do, who you talk to, and the decisions you make. no one else can make decisions for you. it's up to you to determine the right decisions for your situation.
this is just the beginning. you can start today & you will thank yourself in a few months!
remember, healing is not linear. don't compare your progress to others. focus on your struggle and make yourself better.
it takes 21 days to form a habit. in just a short 3 weeks, your self-validation can become part of your everyday.
you deserve to be here.
I hope that you guys liked this weeks post!
see you in the next one(:
xx Loryn
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