fear of abandonment...

6/18/22

hello cherubs!!

today we are going to talk about something that isn't recognized as a mental health disorder, but is common to those dealing with anxiety and depression and other disorders.

fear of abandonment is "a complex phenomenon that can stem from a variety of developmental experiences, including loss or trauma."

quote from: very well mind

when someone tells you they have a fear of abandonment, it can look like a number of different things.

here are some common signs/symptoms (found on themindsjournal.com):

• wondering if you matter, even when things are going well

• on the edge, waiting for something to go wrong

• constantly need reassurance

• questioning your partner's or friend's true feelings

• overanalyzing words and/or actions

• sabotaging the relationship to test the other person's commitment

• withholding or jumping too quickly into milestones (ex: not saying "I love you" or saying it before you mean it)

some others (found on verywellmind.com):

• intense feelings of separation anxiety

• aiming to please

• quickness to move on just to ensure that you don't get too attached

• difficulty achieving emotional intimacy

• quickness to attach, even to unavailable partners

• feeling insecure and unworthy of love

• hypersensitivity to criticism

fear of abandonment is something that anyone can deal with. it does not have to be to a specific group of people or gender.

some common causes as defined by the Passionate Chic's Ultimate Guide on Pinterest are:

• birth trauma

any sort of distress experienced by a mother during and/or after childbirth. can be physical, emotional, or psychological.

• inherited emotional trauma

a theory that trauma can be passed down through future generations because of the way trauma can alter genes.

• symbiotic entanglement

unstable relationships between parents and children involved with possessive and clinging behavior, inability to understand one another, and illusions of love, forgiving, and reconciling.

• dependent relationship

two people who rely on each other for support and love. often times can become unhealthy.

• high sensitivity

someone who is thought to have an increased or deeper central nervous system sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli

(we will be having a whole blog on this topic soon)

just like any other mental health disorder, fear of abandonment can be overcome. some healthy and helpful tips are:

1. getting professional help

2. talking to loved ones

3. know that you are worthy of love

4. become emotionally self-reliant

5. replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk

6. know that you are complete

7. don't go for an emotionally unstable person

8. practice gratitude

9. keep your behavior in check

10. try to understand yourself

clobare.com also provided a very helpful source of how to handle fear of abandonment:

1. recognize you're human

2. accept this part of you

3. start paying close attention to when you try to get security from an outside source

4. ask yourself--what do I need to feel secure right now

5. know that no one else can make you feel secure

6. take responsibility for how you feel

7. investigate the validity of your feelings and understand what your feelings are trying to tell you

8. work on self-love and self-healing

9. re-direct when your fear of abandonment based actions or thoughts start

10. remember the power to feel secure resides within you

fear of abandonment can be tiring and scary. the best way to come to terms with this sort of mental health disorder is to be open and honest with partners, family, and friends. it is nothing to be ashamed of, it's not your fault. it can just take more authentic and understanding circumstances. if you have someone that is truly there for you and wants what's best for you and the shared relationship, they will help you.

I hope you enjoyed this blog and got something out of it!!

see y'all in the next one,

xx Loryn