ways to survive the holidays when you're grieving
- lxrynwxtring
- Dec 16, 2022
- 5 min read
12/16/22
good morning cherubs!
I hope the winter season is treating you gently...
if you're anything like me: you probably hate winter. it's cold. it's dark & dreary. seasonal depression is in full swing.
you are not alone. a lot of us feel stuck this time of year. there are ways to get through it!
** click the image above to read a similar blog by @sweatpantsandcoffee**
holidays are hard for everyone, but they can be even harder when you've lost someone or something that used to be so involved this time of year.
the biggest thing to remember is this: you do whatever is best and feels right to YOU. not to your family or friends. not to your boss & coworkers. prioritize YOU this season and everything else will fall into place.
but it is also important to note: if the holidays are too much for you, you don't have to partake in the activities that surround this season. you don't have to Christmas shop or put up your tree. if it's too much for YOU, YOU aren't required to participate.
you might be thinking, "but my family and friends will judge me or think less of me."
if they are truly quality friends and caring family members, they will want you to do whatever is best for you. they might be sad that you aren't there, but they will know and understand that you have to take care of yourself first.
remind them: the holidays only last for so long. you'll see them once this chaotic and hectic season is over and you've had time to recoup.
grief isn't just from the death of a loved one, but a lot of time that's what it's associated with. grief is the response to loss, whether tangible or not.
typically grief is associated with emotional response, but it can also be related to the physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions.
there are 7 stages of grief that go through:
shock
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
typically, the hardest stage of grief is depression. with depression comes sadness, loneliness, despair, and low mood. once you master the stage of depression, you're almost fully accepting of the grief you're experiencing.
if you're feeling up to it, there are ways to survive the holiday season while you're grieving. here are some ideas:
travel--go somewhere you've never been and experience the holidays in a brand new place. this can be alone or with someone that you're close too. sometimes a change of pace is a really good palate cleanser that we all should take advantage of.
look for small moments of comfort--not everyone can afford to travel & travel isn't necessary. you can find small moments of cozy comfort to remind you of those that aren't here to celebrate this season with you. keep traditions going and take time to reflect on how it used to be.
get out in nature--it may be cold, but that doesn't mean you can't explore! take your pet on a walk or go buy a real Christmas tree to bring home! nature is and can be used as a sense of grounding that we all could use this time of year.
volunteer--this time of year is a time of giving and gifting. give your time to those less fortunate, volunteer at the soup opera or donate old coats that you're no longer needing.
give grief a place at the table--not literally (unless you want to), but allow yourself to grieve. it doesn't have to be a public show, but you shouldn't internalize all of your grief. accept what has happened and allow it to run it's cycle. remember those who aren't here with us anymore
wear headphones out in public to avoid holiday music--sometimes Christmas music can be a sad reminder of what used to be. and some people just don't like the music at any time of year and that's okay
have an exit plan for holiday parties--maybe you think a holiday party will take your mind off of your grief but part way in you realize it's too much. plan for this! have an excuse or plan in place if you're feeling a need to escape.
aim for peace of being, instead of holiday joy--finding peace and comfort in this new reality of grief isn't something to be ashamed of. being peacefully and real is better than being joyful but faking it
include them in your rituals/traditions--just because some one is no longer physically with us doesn't mean you can't involve them. set a place for them at the table. put up their picture to involve them in events. whatever feels right for you.
connect with other grieving people--remember that you are not alone. find support in others and support them in return. this is one of the best ways to work through personal grief.
find a comfortable place to be sad--sadness comes with grief, but that's normal. acceptance and ability to function will come after. sit with your sadness, work through it, and you'll come out stronger
spend quiet time with friends--maybe you don't want to be alone, but you don't want to be surrounded by others who don't understand what you're going through. find that person that is there for you. you don't have to do anything eventful or extravagant, just spend some time together, basking in the connection that comes with those who are there for you when you're grieving.
with time, you will overcome your grief. it may not seem like it & it may take more time than you expect, but you will become okay with it.
a common misconception of grief is that it gets smaller and smaller with time, but that isn't necessarily true. with time, we grow used to the change and we grow with and around our grief. it may seem like our grief is getting smaller, but truthfully we are become more accustomed to this change in life and learning to grow through and around it.
**click the image above to read a super informative article about grief**
the biggest take away with today's blog is this: you are not alone.
it may feel like no one else understands what you're going through, but there are. find these people and connect with them. don't isolate yourself...
if you are someone who knows a person going through grief, be kind to them. don't force them to attend a party or event if they aren't comfortable with it. be their shoulder to lean on when they feel like they aren't going to make it. be understanding and accepting of whatever stage of grief they are in. the last thing they need at this time in their life is to feel judged or misunderstood.
I hope you guys enjoyed this week's blog! stick around for more to come!!
take care of yourself(:
you deserve to be here <3
xx Loryn
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