on the sixth day of christmas...

12/19/22

on the sixth day of blogmas, bravebutsoft gave to me...

why you should check on others!

first off, let's define what a 'strong' friend is:

a 'strong friend' is someone who rarely asks for help or sheds light on what they are going through and instead helps those around them. these people may seem to have their head on their shoulders with no struggles. they bring joy to others and offer great advice, but are truly struggling themselves.

don't give up if these people are hard to approach or hard to get to open up. if they know they are truly there for you, they will open up after some time.

so how do you check on strong friends?

• be present

• encourage therapy

• don't diminish their feelings

• check-in

• don't judge

• be persistent

so, we know how to check in, but why should we do so?

here are some ideas:

• you can appear together at the christmas lunch and fall apart once home

appearing happy for a short period of time is something that a lot of people who are secretly struggling have down pat. especially if they are the 'strong friend.' they don't want others to worry about them or me a bother when other people have a million things going on. but that doesn't mean they don't fall apart once they are alone again.

• you can have depression and still look happy

there is something called 'smiling depression' that i want to go into more at a later date, but that truly exists. this is when people who are experiencing depression mask their symptoms. there are many reasons that people hide their depression: fear of burdening others, embarrassment, denial, fear of backlash, concern about appearing weak, etc. for those 'strong friends' it's easy to appear happy because they have done it for so long.

• you can text 'merry christmas' while your eyes are full of tears

text messages aren't real life. while they can be full of emotions, it is extremely easy to hide how you are truly feeling. this is why it's important to check on people in-person. while a text message can be beneficial, sometimes if you are truly worried, it can be necessary to ask this person if they are okay meeting up. it's a lot harder to fake when you aren't behind a screen.

• you can still have anxiety and still sound confident

i really agree with this one on a personal level. anxiety gives a constant 'what if' in the back of your mind. you can appear that you have it all together, but truly your mind is constantly feeding you a scenario that will never happen. it's easy to mask this anxiety.

• you can be suicidal and still make jokes

suicide is NOT selfish. suicide is the final result of a long run with battling depression. many people that are suicidal are extremely good at hiding it. often times, when someone does commit suicide, friends and family have no idea that the person has been struggling.

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mental health is an invisible illness. often times unknown by others unless spoken about.

properly checking in with others is essential to being there for them.

don't assume that you know how they feel based upon how someone looks.

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make sure that you check on your strong friends <3

remember, you deserve to be here

xx loryn