on the seventh day of christmas...
- lxrynwxtring
- Dec 20, 2022
- 5 min read
12/20/22
on the seventh day of blogmas, bravebutsoft gave to me...
ways to deal with your family!
today we are going to be talking about ways to deal with family during the holidays.
a family dynamic refers to "the patterns among relatives, their roles and relationships, and the various factors that shape their interactions." family dynamics can be different from family to family. some families have healthy dynamics, others have unhealthy dynamics.
so what does a healthy family dynamic look like?
common characteristics of a healthy family include:
cohesiveness
open communication
parents that lead by example
conflict management
setting clear expectations and limits.
families aren't always able to provide healthy and happy homes for their children because of circumstances out of their control. it's important to be aware of these circumstances and do you best to avoid unhealthy family dynamics.
it's important to note that sometimes families may not know that they are giving an unhealthy family dynamic to their children and other family members. the best way to make sure that you aren't giving your children unhealthy relationship dynamics is to be educated on what's healthy and what isn't.
so what might unhealthy dynamics look like?
one or both parents have an addiction or compulsion
one or both parents use/threaten physical violence as a primary source of control
one or both parents exploit the children and treat them as possessions for selfish gain
one or both parents are unable to provide or threaten to withdrawal primary care
one or both parents exert a strong control over the children (with no flexibility)
because of these unhealthy dynamics at home during childhood, these children often carry these dynamics into their own adulthood. the children in these dynamics may struggle to form trust between others' behaviors and words, their own judgment and words, and their own self-worth.
if you find that you have been raised in and through an unhealthy family dynamic, you don't have to remain that way. you are allowed to change. in the process of healing from unhealthy family patterns, it is crucial for you to trust your own perceptions and feelings. change begins with you.
ways to heal from unhealthy family dynamics:
reflect on the difficult parts of your childhood and explore how these experiences impacted you or continue to impact you
reflect on how you can heal, explore coping mechanisms
maybe a professional counselor or group therapy would benefit you
let go of being perfect
identify what you would like to happen within your own family dynamic
set limits to what you can and can't control
recognize that your family might have adverse reactions to your difference in behavior
anticipate reactions and decide how you will respond
remember: making an unhealthy lifestyle healthy isn't going to happen over night. change is a slow, graduate process so it is important to celebrate the little pieces of progress as you begin to see the changes in your behavior and reactions.
most people aren't willing to change, but that's up to them. you can change without them.
I originally found this post from @crazyheadcomics on Pinterest, but I am going to go a little more in depth with each topic...
ways to deal with family during the holidays:
think about your boundaries
boundaries are an important thing to establish before going to an event. boundaries can look like: physical boundaries (touch and personal space), emotional boundaries (sharing feelings & intimiate details), time boundaries (how you prioritize your time), sexual boundaries (personal consent, desire and privacy), intellectual boundaries (acceptance and validation of your feelings), and material boundaries (personal belongings and property).
plan something fun or relaxing for afterwards
as we all know, spending time with family isn't *always* fun (if you have a fun family, be thankful). but after stressing over family functions, plan something relaxing or fun such as: meditating, reading, painting, massages, and more!
if there is conflict, don't give in
learning to stand up for yourself is one of the best ways to deal with toxic/unhealthy family or even family that you might be close with. ways to stand up for yourself can look like: understand that saying no isn't a bad thing, emulate your words with your body posture, stay true to your words, consider how you might be giving too much, know when to leave, and remind yourself that you deserve respect.
think about how you'll deal with stress
as much as I hate to admit it, family functions can become stressful, especially with unhealthy dynamics. considering and knowing how to deal with stress is the best way to avoid becoming overwhelmed. ways to deal with stress: take breaks, take care of your self & your body, give yourself down time, talk with others in similar situations, and give time/find connections in your community.
try not to take things personally
this is a big one for me. I take everything to heart and think things that are meant as jokes as reality. learning the crowd and understanding how not to take things personally will help you cope with others. here are some ideas: practice emotional resilience, give others the benefit of the doubt, stop worrying what others think about you, and give yourself credit for your strengths.
consider not going if it feels too bad
you will know how comfortable you are with going to family functions. you are the only person that know how you feel about certain people, topics, crowds, etc. it is up to you to make the decision of whether or not you attend an event. don't go just because you have an expectation to meet. if it is going to compromise your mental health, don't go.
avoid controversial topics and minimize alcohol if you drink
if you know that a certain topic is going to be touchy, avoid talking about it. direct the conversation, or simply say "i do not feel comfortable talking about that." if you drink, try to limit the amount and don't overdo it. you want to be as sober as possible so that if you need to leave at any point, you can do it safely.
vent to a friend or your journal afterwards
decompressing after a stressful event is important. ways to decompress can include: deep breathing, talking it out, exercise, get outside, meditate, take a day off, read, disconnect, or take a nap. journal is also helpful, try "brain dumping," writing down all thoughts, emotions, feelings that you are exeriencing.
try to see yourself as an objective observer
being an objective observer is seeing yourself as independent from whatever is going on around you. ways to be an objective observer are: never assume, don't compare, see the bigger picture, use all your senses and observe consciously.
as you know, sometimes chaos and arguments are inevitable. especially if the other party isn't trying to be the better person.
take caution and do what's best for you in whatever situation you might find yourself in.
take the high road if need be & remember that if it's not good for your mental health, you shouldn't have to sacrifice that for anything.
I DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR EVERY PART OF THIS BLOG...
RESOURCES:
I hope you guys enjoyed today's post! share with others you think might enjoy!
xx Loryn
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