Mental Health Awareness Week;

Today is Day 5 of Mental Health Awareness Week and today I am going to be sharing my story with you guys.

Just to preface, many people don't feel like their mental condition is "bad" enough to be seen or to get help. I was one of those people. I believed that I didn't need help because my anxiety and depression weren't life threatening. I didn't feel as if my mental health was affecting my day to day life enough to ask for help. But looking back, I was in a dark place and although I didn't seem "bad," help from an outside, unbiased opinion is what I needed.

If you are dealing with a mental condition, please don't let it get "bad." Get help before it gets to the point of no return. You deserve to live a happy life full of adventures, memories, and love. Please reach out.

A little background to my story: I am a 20-year old, junior in college, working part-time at starbucks and part-time at a nonprofit organization. I am in a healthy, happy relationship with my boyfriend of almost three years, I was raised by a loving mother and father and two older brothers. We go on vacations, spend time together, and have lunch together and meet up often. I graduated with highest honors in high school, I had a good friend group, I knew I wanted to go to school.

With all of these good things going for me, I wasn't happy. I had good days and bad days. Good days filled with those I loved, going shopping, and spending time together. The bad days I cried myself to sleep. But I didn't want to tell anyone that. The only person that really knew how I was feeling was my boyfriend, Alex.

I'd say I knew when it was getting to be bad, was the summer after I graduated. I mainly just worked and either spent my time at home or with my boyfriend. When I was busy, I wouldn't think about being sad, I had a distraction from it. But I felt the worse when I was alone. There were days when I would be alone for most of the day because of my parent's work schedule and my boyfriend being at work. Those would be the days that hurt the most. I remember just crying because I felt so alone. I tried to get out of the house and get my mind off of things. I even bought myself a sunflower plant to try and make it better, but it didn't work.

This was just the beginning of realizing that I wasn't doing well. This continued for almost two years. I would only share my feelings with one person, holding them and hiding them from others. I knew that therapy was out there, but like I said in the beginning I didn't think it was for me. For those two years I was in and out of what I'd call being okay and not being okay, sometimes it was good and sometimes I'd feel like it would never get better.

This past year, after the whole quarantine year that felt like eternity, I wasn't getting any better. I never felt good, my mood was always down and I was only happen when with someone (most likely my boyfriend) or out doing something. At this point, it was too much. I was only continuing to tell Alex how I was feel, and he continued to tell me to tell my parents how I felt, but I didn't think it was necessary, I didn't want to bother them.

Eventually, he took it into his own hands and told them I needed help. This is when things started working and eventually we started looking for therapists in the area.

My mind kind of blanks on this part of my story, but I'll do my best to try and remember. I believe I called a few places, many having waitlists. I put myself on a few of those waitlists, and waited for a call. Thankfully for me, my condition wasn't anything emergent and wasn't something I couldn't wait a little longer to receive help with.

About a month later, I received a call that one of the therapists had availability for me. I scheduled with her and saw her later that month. This business was local to me and my therapist's name was Bethany (first name only to protect her privacy). I went to my first appointment and told her what I was wanting and needing from the therapy sessions. I basically told her my life story and why I was there. She was very helpful and informative and taught me a lot.

A few things that she taught me were what she called the "motorcycle analogy" and how to separate thoughts, feelings, and actions. The motorcycle analogy was interesting because it focused around finding individuality and learning to be okay with doing things by yourself. One of my, I wouldn't say problems, but one of the reasons I was there is because I had become very dependent in my relationship. Basically, the analogy was to learn how to "ride the motorcycle by yourself." Essentially, learning to be okay to do things by yourself, without other people being there 24/7.

The other important thing was teaching me to recognize the difference between your thoughts, feelings, and actions and think of them all as separate events. To take the time and distinguish between each one before making that finally action. It all revolves around your head, which holds your thoughts, your heart, which holds your feelings, and then either your mouth or hands, which play out your actions. This process was to help not making so many decisions so quick and to think about things before giving an action. Realizing that all of these were not always interconnected helped me know that even though all of these things usually happen simultaneously, they could happen one-by-one and become more effective.

For me, therapy was helpful, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. I ended up going to only a few appointments because I didn't feel like it was being as beneficial as I thought it would. I didn't tell many people that I was in therapy, not because I was ashamed of it, but thought it would be more helpful for me, if I were to keep it more to myself. That's why I want to share my story so others can have a reference to base their emotions off of.

I wouldn't say that I would never go to therapy again, that's not what I mean at all. if I found someone else that better fit my needs, I would go back in a heartbeat. But as of now, I don't feel like it's necessary. and that's okay. therapy is for everyone. one of my biggest takeaways from my therapist is this, I told her that I don't feel like I'm as "bad" as other people, but I don't really know why I am the way I am and she told me that to her, it doesn't matter to her how "bad" someone feels, to her, I was as important to her as her other patients that might be considered "bad." And that was helpful to me, because it made me feel like it was okay that I was seeking therapy even though I didn't necessarily consider myself as drastic as others.

so, what I want you to take from this is that therapy is for anyone and everyone. It's for healthy people, it's for people with mild anxiety or mild depression, for those with great family relationships or those with broken families, for those who are overwhelmed with the stress of life or those with easy schedules. there isn't a specific reasoning for therapy, don't let people tell you that. therapists are really just an outside, unbiased voice. they have ability to give you an outsider's opinion and can just be someone that you decompress to and have a good conversation with. it doesn't have to be that they are help to "fix" you. they are really there to just be an extra support system to you.

But like I've said before, it's up to you to make the final decision of whether or not to seek therapy. Don't be afraid to try it, if it's not for you, you don't have to continue, but you might found out that you might really like it.

I hope my story helps someone to realize that there are ways to get help, even if you don't consider yourself ready or needing therapy. If you need any help or suggestions or would like the name of where I went (if you know me personally), please reach out, I'd be more than willing to help!

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I hope you guys enjoyed my first week of blog posts! even though this week was mental health awareness week, that doesn't mean it only exists this week. mental health is important all year round and you never know when you might be needing info about it or know someone that does. I hope you know to use my blog as a resource for yourself and others if you ever need it. I hope that it helps reach many people and get them the help they need.

I greatly appreciate those of you who have taken the time to read my posts. It does mean a lot to me. I hope that this helps me dial in and focus on my future career and gives me motivation to complete my degree.

from here on out, I'm going to try to post regularly (once a week), but I haven't decided on a day yet. Follow my socials to keep in touch and updated as to when I post.

Again, thanks for being here. Take care of yourself and I'll see you in my next post(:

xx Loryn