how to deal with toxic family members during christmas

since it's the holidays, everyone deserves a treat and this is my treat to you! an extra blog post!!

we all have unique family members. whether it be judgement, unkind, or hurtful, we've all been stung by those closest to us.

although related by blood, "family" doesn't always have to be considered family. family members can be anyone that you consider a close, supportive human. it doesn't matter if they are actually related to you or not. and just because you are blood related doesn't mean you should accept them even when they are being hurtful, violent, and maybe even abusive.

you have to stand up for yourself and do whatever is best for you and those you choose to care about. in the end, you need the support from those who are going to help you out in a tough situation, not those who nag and tear you down when you're already going through it.

here are a few tips I found from themindsjournal.com to help you deal with toxic family members:

• you must understand that your happiness is in your control.

this can mean a lot of things. but it is up to you to decide what is okay to handle and what is too much. if you can handle going to family functions where you know there will be family members that don't necessarily have the most kind remarks, then that's okay. but if you know that going to a family function will result in unkind words and actions, then maybe it's better, for your own mental health, not to go. remember, you are the only one that can control your own actions.

• don't get into fights

just like the previous bullet point, don't get into fights. if you know that family functions will result in them, choose to be the bigger person and choose not to go. but if you do go, be the bigger person and turn the other cheek. even if it's to the point of giving someone the silent treatment, do it! save yourself the trouble.

• ignore them

a lot of these bullet points are relatively the same, but ignoring them is one of the best response to toxic family members. act like you don't hear them, truthfully. help yourself out in the long-run and don't interact. you will thank yourself later.

• have proper planning

if you're going somewhere and you know that you won't be able to escape the toxicity, have a plan. plan to spend a set time somewhere and don't make anyone make you stay over. plan who you will talk to/hang out with. plan to avoid those with negative energy. have an exit plan if things aren't going well.

• don't expect from others

most likely, these people who are causing you grief have always been this way. mostly likely they are going to be stuck in their ways and aren't going to want to change. you shouldn't expect them to change either. you must learn to accept them for who they are and take what they say with a grain of salt. if they are not support you and your future, then they aren't worthy of being there.

• set limits and boundaries

just like we've gone over before, know your limits and set your own boundaries. only plan to attend the function for a limited time without explaining why you can't stay longer and don't feel guilty! set boundaries by explaining that you are keeping your mental health a priority and that you don't have room for more. with no guilt too, this will be learned of course, but it's the best outcome.

• always appreciate and be giving

even though it can be tough, always choose to be kind. if they get you a gift you don't love, be nice and say thank you, even if you think you'll never use it. if you're giving gifts, you don't have to go overboard, but you can give them a card or something small to show that you don't hate them.

• give yourself time to heal

when you go through the holidays, you are going to be going through chaos, anxiety, stress, and fun. it is okay to take time to breathe and rest before, during, and after. you don't have to earn a break, either. but you have most definitely earned this one.

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I hope that this was a fun little extra blog that some of you find helpful.

remember to keep your mental health a priority and to not take on too much..

I hope you guys have a happy holiday <3

xx Loryn